Further From Myself

I really don't know what to write about tonight, but I do feel the urge to write something, so here goes:

* Shaun and I came up with an idea for a short lesson series in 20something that has been on our hearts for a while, and I'm really excited about it. Seriously, I'm so excited that I find myself daydreaming about things we need to remember to put in the lesson plan instead of paying attention to rather important things. I won't tell what the idea is yet...it's a secret!


* I've been working at an amazing company for 90 days now. I'm so blessed. The people I work with are wonderful, and the opportunities I've been afforded are once-in-a-lifetime.


* I've been reminded of an old Pillar song a lot lately. It's called "Further From Myself," and whenever I'm being selfish it always seems to pop into my head. Part of the lyrics say "and I admit that when I submit to You, I can see all of the selfish things I do." I wish I could take that song and blanket the U.S. with it. We all need to hear it so much. We take part in selfish, destructive behaviors that ruin relationships and cause lives to implode, yet we can't see that the solution is to let Christ become greater in our lives and let ourselves become less. Even when we do realize that, it's easy to say and hard to do. Okay...I've run out of thoughts for now.

"Further from my future

Further from my past

Further from the starting line

Further from the last

Further from my doubts

 Further from my fears

Further from temptations that I faced

Throughout my years

Further from agitation

Further from distraction

The reaction of dissatisfaction of others' actions

Further from myself

Further from my flesh

Further from my birth

And I'm further from my death

I'm further

Further from myself

When I'm next to You

When I run to You."

Further From Myself

I'm just chatty

What? Three blogs in three days? "That's crazy!" you say. Well it's true! :-)

I suppose the reason I've blogged so much this week is simply because it helps me get all my ducks in a row (even the ducks I don't write about!) when I'm so busy that my head seems to be spinning. I'm the type of person who needs to write things out or say them aloud to keep things organized and logical. I think God made us that way on purpose. Conversation is the bread that keeps our minds alive and well, if you think about it, and the conversation that will feed us eternally is the one we have with God.

My constant need to communicate, my need to "get things out of my system" comes from my need for God. I can't remember the exact verse, but in the Old Testament it says that God puts eternity in every man's heart. In the same way, He puts urges in our hearts that He can use to draw us closer to Him. I need to talk about the good things and the bad to be able to work through them and understand their purposes, and God made me that way so I could learn to lean on Him through prayer. It's amazing how He works. :-)

We went to see The Karate Kid this evening, and I loved it! Jaden Smith is such a little picture of his father. He has a lot of the same little mannerisms that make Will Smith who he is. Those similarities are no accident. He got that way because he's around his dad all the time. In the same way, the more time one spends with God, the more one starts to act like Him and see the world through His eyes. Without constant prayer and study, that's impossible. I think that's why God made me so that I have to talk about everything. As a flawed human, I stink at praying sometimes, just like everyone else, but when I'm not busy being stubborn, God can use my habits for His glory. I'm in awe.

It's been quite a while...

I hadn't realized how long it's been since I last blogged! In the past month I've been working and keeping busy with a lot of extra projects. I am officially exhausted, but most of it has been worth it!

Shaun and I got to go see Blessthefall, Demon Hunter, and As I Lay Dying last month! BTF and DH are two of my all-time fave bands, and they definitely didn't disappoint! I wish I could see them again. I also got to meet Beau Bokan, the lead singer of Blessthefall :)

We finally got to see our friend Jose's band, Boy Wonder! They were really good! I miss Jose. A lot.

This week we got to see A Skylit Drive, which is another one of our fave bands! Normally when I go to a concert I get shoved around half the time and I rarely have a clear view of the stage, but for the last half of the ASD set I got to stand really close to the stage AND I had an uninterrupted view. It was exciting! Really, this month might have been entirely too exciting. :)

In other news, I'm working on a new magazine! It's good to be writing again. It's been kind of hard to get back in the groove though. I suppose it may take a while! It's a blessing to get to use my talents again.


Aaaaaand...I can't even remember what else I've done this month. So that's all for now!

Refined in the Fire

I'm starting to realize how twisted our view of love is, especially God's love. When something doesn't go our way we think God must not love us or we're outside His will or something like that. We want to believe that God loves us so much that He doesn't ever want to let any harm come to us. He wants to keep us safe. Cocooned.

The problem is, God loves us so much that He DOESN'T want that for us. We are precious, like gold, but gold must be refined if it is to be beautiful and useful for anything.

How is gold refined? In the fire. Gold must be heated, melted, to remove the impurities. In the same way, we have to let God melt us to remove the sin. Only then can we be molded for God's purpose.


God doesn't want us to be safe and sound, where all our impurities, our sins, will be safe with us. No, He wants us to go through the fire and come out pure and strong. To strengthen us so we can pass through the fire without facing destruction He has given us His Holy Spirit. Just like the time some of His believers were thrown in a furnace, He is there with us.

It's a hard lesson to learn, but I'm starting to realize how thankful I should be that God loves me enough to refine me in the fire.

Perfume, and lip gloss, and skirts, oh my!

So I'll tell you right now that today's post will be completely different than the rest you've read from me lately! I've been feeling a lot girlier than usual, and I've decided to let it out! That means that this blog is basically pointless, but I like to write what I feel, and today I feel pretty. lol

For starters, Raina came over on Friday and I got to buy an awesome Mary Kay set that comes with all four of their perfumes, a lip gloss, and a connector that puts the lip gloss and a perfume together so it'll be a handy-dandy purse staple! Normally I hate perfume because it's all entirely too fussy smelling to me, but I ADORE every MK scent. All you ladies HAVE to try them (and Raina is the coolest MK rep in the land. Try her out)! That's girly point numero uno for my weekend.

Girly point number two: I dyed my hair for spring. Normally my hair is black or dark, dark red. Now it's a lighter auburn, and I love it! For some reason all this just makes me want to go shopping (girly point number 3)!

Lucky for me, Shaun and I have planned an all-day shop-a-thon for Good Friday. I've already been scoping what I want to buy. I've decided that this season there must be a fashion guru somewhere with me in mind, because I'm finding all sorts of floral prints online that I can actually wear with my multitude of black shirts. Let's face it, it's hard to reconcile my Hot Topic-friendly wardrobe with anything pretty or sophisticated, but I think this is the year for it!


Alright, onto another subject. This Saturday at 7 we are having a 20something/Elm Street Bible Study party at my house! I'm seriously excited, and I hope a lot of people show up. It'll be nice to get to socialize outside of church and Bible study!

Any questions from the monkeys in the back?

Most of my posts have a point, but today I feel like being completely random! I found my old Xanga and started reading posts from when I was a freshman in college. I feel like if I met freshman me, we would act like two different people. I was so carefree and goofy! (Alright, I'm still goofy sometimes lol) I'm pretty sure we could be friends though. :)

I know I'm supposed to be "grown up" and all that jazz, but there are times that I wonder if freshman-year-me is the way things should really be. I had things that I could have worried about, but I didn't. Sure, I have more things to worry about now, but if I could take a lesson from me several years ago, it's that when I trust God to take care of things, He will, and I'll have a lot more fun in the process!


It's amazing how we as adults should be taking cues from younger people. Kids take pleasure in simple things, worry about little, and trust easily. In the same way, we should take pleasure in what God gives us without wanting that which is bad for us, avoid worry because it is unnecessary, and easily place our trust in God. How hard should it be? I fear that the older and more "sophisticated" we get, the more complicated we makes things on ourselves. We pride ourselves in being mature, but really we're all mixed up and we put roadblocks between us and God.


Alright, so maybe I did have a bit of a point!

In the spirit of goofiness and being carefree, I'll leave you with a few quotes from my Xanga, most of which are from my beloved OSAS:

"Excuse me, we are the mafia."

"Any questions from the monkeys in the back?"

"Jay attacked me in true squirrel fashion."

"I got blamed for a small food fight that I didn't start and accepted an award for a person I didn't know."

Paid in Full

"Carrying His own cross, He went out to what is called Skull Place, which in Hebrew is called Golgotha. There they crucified Him...He said "It is finished!" Then bowing His head, He gave up His spirit." John 19:17, 18, 30

Our King Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for us on a day long ago. He was led like a lamb to slaughter, but unlike an ordinary sacrifice, He did not stay dead. Death could not overcome Him. Death could not hold him prisoner.

As Easter approaches and I ponder the magnitude of what was done for me, I am drawn to my knees in humility. I, who commits selfish acts daily, was bought and paid for by the selfless one.


When Jesus said "It is finished," He was using a common accounting term. Literally translated, it means "Paid in full." The debt is canceled. When the money was paid to fulfill a debt, this is what was written on the bill. In essence, Jesus was saying "I have fulfilled the debt my beloved one could not pay."


There is none righteous among us, and none who can pay the debt we owe for sins committed. Without a Savior who has stamped "paid in full" on my bill, I'd be screwed. I'm so thankful for the God who loves me so much that He sent His Son to be beaten, bruised, and crucified so that I may live debt-free.


To loosely quote John Newton, "I am a great sinner, and Jesus is a great Savior."