Monday, July 26, 2010

Corners of my mind

Do you ever have something really big that you're just dying to tell someone, but you can't? I'm totally having one of those weeks. Well, one of those months really. I'm definitely not the type of person who can handle keeping anything on the down low. When Andrew plotted with me to surprise Sunny with an early return to Oklahoma, I nearly died. I successfully kept the secret, but good grief was it hard!

This time around I'm not really keeping other people's secrets, just something that affects my future. No biggie, right? Quite the opposite! Okay, okay, don't freak out and think something bad is about to happen. I'm actually really excited and I can't wait to see how the next few months go.

In other news, I'm feeling incredibly bogged down by all the stuff I need to get done. My to do list seems to continually get longer, and I'm not checking off enough tasks to balance it out. My mind is on a never-ending roller coaster. In an effort to ignore the roller coaster, I've been listening to a whole lot of A Skylit Drive and Blessthefall lately. Somehow I feel calmer when I'm blasting some crazy music. It drowns out the noise in my mind. That's funny...I drown out one kind of noise with another. That probably qualifies me as some sort of crazy. My life is never quiet.

I've also developed my own personal brand of sleeping disorder in recent times that resembles a reverse version of the insomnia I had back in the day. Instead of being unable to go to sleep, I wake up early in the morning and can't go back to sleep since my mind is racing ninety to nothing. It's quite annoying, actually.

Here's to hoping life goes back to normal soon...or as normal as life gets for a weirdy like me. In the meantime, I'll be singing random ASD lyrics.

"The city only breathes through you, and all the cracks that you've fallen through."

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Further From Myself

I really don't know what to write about tonight, but I do feel the urge to write something, so here goes:

* Shaun and I came up with an idea for a short lesson series in 20something that has been on our hearts for a while, and I'm really excited about it. Seriously, I'm so excited that I find myself daydreaming about things we need to remember to put in the lesson plan instead of paying attention to rather important things. I won't tell what the idea is's a secret!

* I've been working at an amazing company for 90 days now. I'm so blessed. The people I work with are wonderful, and the opportunities I've been afforded are once-in-a-lifetime.

* I've been reminded of an old Pillar song a lot lately. It's called "Further From Myself," and whenever I'm being selfish it always seems to pop into my head. Part of the lyrics say "and I admit that when I submit to You, I can see all of the selfish things I do." I wish I could take that song and blanket the U.S. with it. We all need to hear it so much. We take part in selfish, destructive behaviors that ruin relationships and cause lives to implode, yet we can't see that the solution is to let Christ become greater in our lives and let ourselves become less. Even when we do realize that, it's easy to say and hard to do. Okay...I've run out of thoughts for now.

"Further from my future
Further from my past
Further from the starting line
Further from the last
Further from my doubts
 Further from my fears
Further from temptations that I faced
Throughout my years
Further from agitation
Further from distraction
The reaction of dissatisfaction of others' actions
Further from myself
Further from my flesh
Further from my birth
And I'm further from my death

I'm further
Further from myself
When I'm next to You
When I run to You."