Life lately has been...hectic. There's no other word for it.
Shaun and I stay constantly busy with scene[essence], Variance, Intellect Management, 20 Something, the work we actually get paid to do, and a million other tiny projects crammed in between. Somewhere in the middle of it all I've been sick at least once a month. Booooooo.
For most people, getting sick is a "get in, get out, get on with your life" deal where you feel crappy for a couple days, then you're fine. For me, it's always been somewhat different. When I get sick, it gets me down for days, usually about a week, then leaves me exhausted and grouchy for up to a month after. I've gotten used to that, since it's a natural occurrence for me. It's worse than it was before I got mono, since it's left me permanently lethargic.
If I'm not dealing with illness, I'm injuring myself in some way. This week's tale of woe is my sliced-and-diced toe. It's ridiculous.
Long story short, lately I feel physically broken. With the exhaustion and excessive mood swings it's brought on I feel emotionally broken too. Thankfully, God doesn't mind.
When we went to the Christmas Eve service at Crossings, Pastor Marty (one of the men I most admire) talked about how the shepherds in biblical times were considered some of the most unclean people in Jewish culture. They tended the lambs that would be sacrificed to cover sin, but they weren't allowed in the temple themselves. How crazy, then, that when Immanuel, "God with us" was born, the angels went to the shepherds to tell them the good news. Not the rabbis. Not the kings or anyone considered important to us.
No, the angels were sent to tell the unclean ones. The broken ones. The ones no one else wanted. The ones who would gaze with wonder at the face of Christ and know that healing has come.
Immanuel doesn't just mean "God." It means "God with us." With. In the same place. Feeling the same things. Understanding us and saving us.
I feel comforted by the fact that no matter how upset I get, no matter how broken I feel lately, Jesus is God with me. He takes the pieces and makes me whole. Maybe not physically, that may not be God's will, but I'm not so worried about that. As C.S. Lewis said, I am a soul, I have a body. God's priorities are always in order, even when mine aren't, so I know my soul is in safe hands.